To any friend, family member or coworker who has ever tried to diet in my presence:
I am sorry. I am sorry for constantly trying to derail your dream. I am sorry for pressuring you into letting us get lunch at Five Guys or convincing you to split the brownie sundae for dessert. I am sorry for being that devil on your shoulder with a pitchfork made of Twinkies. I realize now that the little voice inside your head shouting, “You can only eat broccoli and celery!” had a difficult fight with the voice outside your head–namely, mine–shouting, “Don’t be a pansy, order the damn side of fries!” Deep, deep apologies.
For so long I was a coercer, an enabler, a bad influence. I shoved people off their dieting horses and smacked the horse in the ass to make it gallop away so they couldn’t get back on. No, I do not think this was some perverse effort to get other people to gain weight with me; I just liked the idea of a feast shared with friends. Friends who, at my urging, disposed of their resolve and shoved their faces in an apple pie. My bad…
Now that I am atop my own dieting horse, I see how annoying a figure like myself would be. Someone who is not content to order 3 courses alone, but wants you to join in too! Lucky for me, all of my friends, family members and coworkers have been exceptionally supportive and keep me away from the sweets. I imagine it’s much better to surround yourself with people like that instead of going out to dinner with a rogue forager such as (former) myself who needles and needles until, lo and behold, the waiter’s been instructed to bring 2 more baskets of bread.
Now, all I can offer is my sympathy and my regret for past behavior.